What Does a Serial Killer Drive?

Recently, I have been catching up on Dexter, Showtime’s serial killer dramedy starring the gay Six Feet Under brother (this character is a brother from another mother, that’s for sure!). My family may judge me, but I find the premise (guy works at police department by day and kills bad guys at night) intriguing, and I always enjoy the latest twists and turns.

But my favorite part of the show? Dexter, the serial killer, drives a Ford Escape. A Ford Escape! Sublime! You may recall that the Ford Escape – in its prior iteration, which is the one that appears on the show – ¬†features on my list of Slows. It’s a cushy, pokey little SUVlet. Perfect for a serial killer!

The show is set in Miami, and Dexter is always driving around between crime scenes and…you know…crime scenes in that little blue Escape that looks just as sweet and benign as a little puppy. Except it’s got a body in the back. Or body parts. I love it! That is much more creative than I would have been. I would have put my serial killer in a Dodge Challenger. Or a BMW 3-series with cream leather, to be blatantly ironic. But a Ford Escape? So subtle, Showtime. Well played.

What else would make a good ride for a baddie? Oh oh! Let’s not forget Walter White’s Pontiac Aztek in Breaking Bad! That horrific middle-school sculpture catastrophe of a vehicle is most definitely its own character in the show, and I dearly love it, precisely because it is so sublime as a baddie car. Its presence in Breaking Bad almost justifies the Aztek’s much-maligned existence. Look! It’s not a thundering portent of Pontiac’s pending obliteration – it’s art!

What other sublimely random baddie cars are out there? Leave your thoughts in the comments; this could be a fun game! Oh, and the Silence of the Lambs killer van does not count. That’s not sublime, it’s just damn creepy.

The other part of the game is, pick rides for random historical or cultural villains. Like Charles Manson in a Volkswagen Jetta. Or Stalin in a Subaru Forester. Or Felix in a Nissan Leaf. Can’t you just see it?

I can so see Satan in a Chevy Sonic.

Join the inanity!

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