Dumb and Dumber

We now temporarily interrupt our more mature offerings to bring you something that is good ol’ snarky Motorista: AOL Autos’ list of the Top 20 Dumbest Cars of All Time.

First of all, what the hell is AOL Autos, and why do I care? Answer: I don’t know, and I don’t care. However,  I just so happen to agree with their list, pretty much in its entirety, so I’ve gotta give the Ay-Oh-Ell people some love.

Check this out; it’s pretty great:

20. Chrysler PT Cruiser convertible – Who knew that, not only was it ugly (hello, fake roll-bar), it was unprofitable? Apparently the dubious A-team of Daimler Chrysler (late and unlamented) thought it would be a good idea to design a car that had to be shipped to a supplier so its top could be chopped off. Sublime!

19. Mercedes-Benz R Class – I’ve been saying since it came out: that is an ugly, pointless, useless, destined-for-the-dustbin vehicle. I have now been validated by Ay-Oh-Ell.

18. Chevy Vega – Awww, I kind of respect cars that have been hated on since before I was born. The Vega probably belongs on the list, but it does smack a bit of kicking someone when they’re already down. I guess the Vega’s used to it.

17. Renault Dauphine – Never heard of it, but it apparently went 0-to-60 in 32 seconds. Why is it only #17??

16. Hummer H2 – Bah ha! Yes.

15. 1913 Scripps-Booth Bi-Autogo – Ay-Oh-El gettin’ all historical. Yeah, I don’t know. It does look weird.

14. 1899 Horsey Horseless – Seriously? This thing had a horse’s head bolted to the front. And the inventor’s first name was Uriah. And a five-year-old could have come up with a better name.

13. Bricklin SV1 – Ay-Oh-El be hatin’. Doesn’t really look any worse than a DeLorean to me. It just needed an ’80s movie…

12. smart fortwo – Yes, yes, yes! Dumb, dumb, dumb! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

11. Fuller Dymaxion – Yeah, pretty bad. But the name is great! That belongs on the list of car names for kids.

10. 1990 Chrysler Imperial – I remember these from my childhood. Not fondly.

9. Chevy SSR – People actually own these! And not as a joke! I have never understood.

8. Volkswagen Phaeton – This car was actually pretty phenomenal (I worked for VW when it came out), but a $60-70,000 Volkswagen never made sense. Our dealership didn’t even sell them, because it was so expensive to service them, keep an extra on hand as a loaner, etc. This is an example of a great car that was, unfortunately, a dumb idea. Sorry, Piech.

7. Lincoln Blackwood – Tee hee hee! Hahaha! Oh, sorry…I was supposed to be providing commentary. Wait…hahahahaha!

6. Mustang II – You don’t often see an example of the second generation of the Mustang. There’s a reason.

5. Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet – I have seen maybe two of these on the road since they came out last year. Both times I about caused an accident from simultaneously shaking my head in disbelief and laughing uproariously.

4. Cadillac Cimarron – Cimarron was way better as a movie. And Cadillac is way better now.

3. 1961 Amphicar – Oh, dear.

2. Pontiac Aztek – Shout-out to Walter White!

1. Ford Pinto – Awww. (See #18.) Haters gon’ hate.