November
07
Tags
Dumb and Dumber
We now temporarily interrupt our more mature offerings to bring you something that is good ol’ snarky Motorista: AOL Autos’ list of the Top 20 Dumbest Cars of All Time.
First of all, what the hell is AOL Autos, and why do I care? Answer: I don’t know, and I don’t care. However, I just so happen to agree with their list, pretty much in its entirety, so I’ve gotta give the Ay-Oh-Ell people some love.
Check this out; it’s pretty great:
20. Chrysler PT Cruiser convertible – Who knew that, not only was it ugly (hello, fake roll-bar), it was unprofitable? Apparently the dubious A-team of Daimler Chrysler (late and unlamented) thought it would be a good idea to design a car that had to be shipped to a supplier so its top could be chopped off. Sublime!
19. Mercedes-Benz R Class – I’ve been saying since it came out: that is an ugly, pointless, useless, destined-for-the-dustbin vehicle. I have now been validated by Ay-Oh-Ell.
18. Chevy Vega – Awww, I kind of respect cars that have been hated on since before I was born. The Vega probably belongs on the list, but it does smack a bit of kicking someone when they’re already down. I guess the Vega’s used to it.
17. Renault Dauphine – Never heard of it, but it apparently went 0-to-60 in 32 seconds. Why is it only #17??
16. Hummer H2 – Bah ha! Yes.
15. 1913 Scripps-Booth Bi-Autogo – Ay-Oh-El gettin’ all historical. Yeah, I don’t know. It does look weird.
14. 1899 Horsey Horseless – Seriously? This thing had a horse’s head bolted to the front. And the inventor’s first name was Uriah. And a five-year-old could have come up with a better name.
13. Bricklin SV1 – Ay-Oh-El be hatin’. Doesn’t really look any worse than a DeLorean to me. It just needed an ’80s movie…
12. smart fortwo – Yes, yes, yes! Dumb, dumb, dumb! Stupid, stupid, stupid!
11. Fuller Dymaxion – Yeah, pretty bad. But the name is great! That belongs on the list of car names for kids.
10. 1990 Chrysler Imperial – I remember these from my childhood. Not fondly.
9. Chevy SSR – People actually own these! And not as a joke! I have never understood.
8. Volkswagen Phaeton – This car was actually pretty phenomenal (I worked for VW when it came out), but a $60-70,000 Volkswagen never made sense. Our dealership didn’t even sell them, because it was so expensive to service them, keep an extra on hand as a loaner, etc. This is an example of a great car that was, unfortunately, a dumb idea. Sorry, Piech.
7. Lincoln Blackwood – Tee hee hee! Hahaha! Oh, sorry…I was supposed to be providing commentary. Wait…hahahahaha!
6. Mustang II – You don’t often see an example of the second generation of the Mustang. There’s a reason.
5. Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet – I have seen maybe two of these on the road since they came out last year. Both times I about caused an accident from simultaneously shaking my head in disbelief and laughing uproariously.
4. Cadillac Cimarron – Cimarron was way better as a movie. And Cadillac is way better now.
3. 1961 Amphicar – Oh, dear.
2. Pontiac Aztek – Shout-out to Walter White!
1. Ford Pinto – Awww. (See #18.) Haters gon’ hate.
MOTORista 
Awww, not fair – Ford Pinto is cute 🙂 And I actually like VW Phaeton, although, yes, too expensive.
The crown jewel of Dumb Kingdom has to be Pontiac Aztek – a car so ugly it’s almost beautiful.
Agree on all! 🙂
I have firsthand experience only with two of the famed ‘worsts’: the Mustang II and the Pinto.
Back when I was in high school, one of my dear friends was given a Mustang II for her 16th birthday. It looked cool, and she looked hot driving it. But on closer inspection (as all us gear-heads naturally did), we couldn’t believe what a piece of crap it was. Out of respect for our friend, we kept our comments to ourselves. But we felt bad for her after that.
We all considered the Pinto to be one step higher than a Gremlin (and I’m surprised that the Gremlin didn’t make the list). We hadn’t heard about the issue with rear-end collisions yet; we just knew the engine was underpowered and couldn’t handle our style of driving (hard and fast). Plus the stupid thing rattled. A lot.
But I have to admit that I rather enjoyed the Pinto Wagon, which my college roommate had. It was perfect for road trips. Aside from the time the alternator got loose on our trip to Indiana and we ended up driving at night with barely any headlights and only realized we’d been running off battery when the car wouldn’t start the next morning. Talk about feeling uber-stupid! But it was quite a cozy little car (albeit still underpowered).
I think you need to be a guest blogger, Rob.
Anytime. I can talk for days about all the dumb things I’ve done to/with cars. And the dumb things my race-loving friends here in Michigan do down at MIS. One of these years, I’m going to have to go down there with them just to see if it’s all true.
My very first new car was a $3333 Pinto Pony MPG which my dad managed to sell 2 weeks before those girls burned up in the gas tank fire! I loved driving it – manual transmission, FM radio, A/C, bright yellow – it fit everywhere and used next to no gasoline for my 45 mile each way commute.
Don’t hate on Clarence… he was a good car.
a/b
I would never – could never – hate on a car named Clarence.