Dubious Colors: Edition One

Ever since I was visually violated by a purple Lamborghini, a deepening dread has lingered in the back of my mind: there are many, many cars out there in horribly fugly colors. I had no intention of going out to look for them, because dubious. I exist in a righteously indignant state most of the time as it is. No need to go out seeking insult.

Indeed. I didn’t intend to get a visual smack-down when I ran across THIS, which I have dubbed Atomic Phlegm:

Atomic Phlegm

To the Porsche purists who rued the day the Cayenne SUV was born, yet bravely stopped your quivering lower lips and carried on with your lives, I dedicate this $85,000 2014 Atomic Phlegm Cayenne GTS to you. You were right all along, purists. Your vindication tastes awfully bitter.

Atomic Phlegm 3

Oh, sweet merciful Sam Hill. As if cladding the entire exterior of a quite large vehicle in such a color is not bad enough, THEY GOT LEATHER STITCHING AND SEAT BELTS TO MATCH. Oh, the horror! (I wonder how much extra those seat belts cost??)

Of course, nothing compares to the Barbie Hummer that lived (egads, maybe LIVES) in the Austin area. That was horrible, awful, no good and very bad.

Almost as bad? A pink Hummer stretch limo. THOSE EXIST.

Okay, I’m getting gaggy. And this is making Atomic Phlegm almost attractive. Must. Stop. Now.

What say you, dear readers? Have you come across any atrociously horrific car colors? Got any good names? (I remember that time in college when my friend Becca and I made up verrrrry inappropriate names for crayon colors. I really cannot share any here. But that was pretty much the best game ever. Played over dinner.)

Putridly yours,



P.S. All photos are from the Earth Motorcars website. Sorry I mocked you guys mercilessly, and I’m glad the Atomic Phlegm Cayenne is a pending sale. COUGH.