Category Archives: Badinage

August 21

Surprises

On the way to work today, I ended up behind a Buick that was quite good-looking. A BUICK. More specifically, it was a red Buick Regal and, I have to say, it looks fairly sporty in motion. I was shocked, and I’m not even being snarky about it. Buick’s SUVs are looking pretty good these days, […]

August 03

Karma

Heh heh heh.  One down, approximately 1,499,00 to go! Call me evil. Go ahead. 😀

May 13

Practice Shouldn’t Be Interesting

The IndyCar folks are at Indianapolis Motor Speedway this month, getting ready for the 99th running of the Indianapolis 500 on May 24. Between now and May 24, the teams are practicing – working on setups, seeing how fast they can get their cars to go around the infamous oval, etc. Today was…well, interesting. And […]

September 10

Small-Car Syndrome

Today I had the privilege of spending a fair amount of time behind the wheel of the “work car,” otherwise known (by me) as the World’s Biggest Benz-o. I love driving, and I love driving all types of vehicles, including the Benz-o. But going from a MINI to Mercedes’ biggest SUV is quite the study […]

September 01

That’s a Negative, Ghost Rider

No. Toyota, let’s talk after you fire your ad agency. This is just stupid. Love, Motorista

August 20

The Prius and the Python

Reason #1,000,002 why the Prius is a hateful, hateful vehicle: it will cause you to crash into a firehouse with a python wrapped around your neck. And ultimately result in DWI and theft charges. All the Prius’ fault, of course. Think I’m on a bender? Read further. These are the things that make life worth […]

August 06

Dubious Colors: Edition One

Ever since I was visually violated by a purple Lamborghini, a deepening dread has lingered in the back of my mind: there are many, many cars out there in horribly fugly colors. I had no intention of going out to look for them, because dubious. I exist in a righteously indignant state most of the […]

June 26

News Flash: Woman Can Be Mother and CEO at Same Time!

Hurry quick, someone get Matt Lauer some impressive journalism award! The Pulitzer, perhaps? Granted an exclusive, one-on-one interview, Lauer got this juicy bombshell from Mary Barra: General Motors’ first female CEO can be a CEO and a mom. At the same time. Holy crap. Stop the presses. Because, good to know, right? That’s definitely the first […]

May 10

The Mad Skills of the Scion xB

My dad sent me this video, possibly as a cautionary tale, but I laughed so hard I almost spontaneously combusted. And then I had to share it. Who knew the Scion xB had such handling prowess? Think what this woman could do in NASCAR…   Image source: Cargurus.com

April 08

Smart Car Tipping

Okay guys – I do not condone damaging other people’s property. In fact, I don’t even condone TOUCHING someone else’s car unless you have permission. So I’m not really laughing about this. Except… Did you hear about that recent bout of vandalism in San Francisco in the early Monday morning hours, where person or persons […]

April 03

GM Recallgate

By now, you may have heard that small news item about the GM recall. A recall that is now quite massive in scale, and that was precipitated by a defective ignition switch linked to at least 13 deaths. Yeah, it’s kind of a big deal. I had all sorts of things to say about Recallgate, […]

March 02

When I Grow Up…

…I want to be a Dubai police officer. Why, you ask? Consider the following police motor pool: Audi R8 V10 Plus Bentley Continental GT Brabus B63 S (that’s a Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG tuned by Brabus) Ferrari FF Lamborghini Aventador McLaren MP4-12C Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG (the Gullwing) Nissan GT-R Sadly, the Aston Martin One-77 (a limited-edition, […]

February 12

Damn You, Sinkhole!

What a bizarre story. A sinkhole opened under the National Corvette Museum in Bowling Green, Kentucky in the early-morning hours today, swallowing eight Corvettes. Perhaps it’s bad of me to say, but I was relieved to read that only one truly old Corvette, a 1962 C1 (first generation; the brand-new 2014 is a C7), was […]

February 07

It’s Constitutional, Officer!

Hand still hurts. Still don’t feel like sorting through 180 Aston Martin photos. In the meantime, this is fab… A federal judge in Missouri has said that warning other motorists about a speed trap by flashing your headlights is probably protected free speech. Hell yes! Read about it here. I always appreciate when people warn […]

February 01

Because, Tesla Drag Race

The title of this post is the answer to a question that doesn’t even need to be asked. Just watch the following video, and be amazed. Tesla is up to a lot these days, including cross country trips relying solely on Tesla “Supercharger” stations and $0 of gas. I previously expressed surprise that the industry […]

January 09

Rock Me Like a Huracan

The Lamborghini Gallardo is dead. This is sad. Actually…no, it’s not. ‘Cause check out its replacement: Meet the Lamborghini Huracan. Here are some numbers that might interest you: 601 hp. 5.2L V-10. 4-wheel drive. Zero to 62 in 3.2 seconds. 325 kph. That’s the top speed. Someone convert that to mph and tell me what […]

January 03

It’s Not Psychology, Stupid

Last week, the Wall Street Journal’s MarketWatch website posted an article opining that psychology explains why the cars with the highest percentage of male ownership (Lamborghini, McLaren, Ferrari, etc.) are almost exclusively foreign luxury and/or exotic brands. Here’s the ownership chart from their article: Take a look at that, and then indulge me a minute… […]

November 07

Dumb and Dumber

We now temporarily interrupt our more mature offerings to bring you something that is good ol’ snarky Motorista: AOL Autos’ list of the Top 20 Dumbest Cars of All Time. First of all, what the hell is AOL Autos, and why do I care? Answer: I don’t know, and I don’t care. However,  I just […]

October 23

“Jaws” on Land, or Prius Rant No. 2

So yesterday I developed an urge to make salsa. If you actually know me, you understand how absurd this is. My skills in the kitchen consist of operating the microwave (at which I am merely proficient, not talented) and opening Diet Coke cans (at which I am a master). Deciding to make homemade salsa was […]

October 20

Duh Driving Tip of the Week, Presented by Felix the Cat

Dear Driver in front of/beside/behind me, Allow me to introduce you to a marvelous invention of which you may have heard rumors: the turn signal. This nifty little device allows you to indicate, FOR THE BENEFIT OF THOSE AROUND YOU, your directional intentions. For example, say you are driving slowly in the fast lane, and […]

September 16

Would You Like a $1,800 Seatbelt With Your $845,000 Porsche?

So I was configuring my Porsche 918 Spyder today when I came across one of those bizarre, inane things that must be shared so that we can all engage in collective head-scratching. As you may know, the base price of the 918 Spyder is $845,000.  That’s the price of – what? – three Lamborghinis? I […]

September 11

Wickedest Car Names for Your Kid

I don’t have kids – which is my idea of looking out for the best interests of my fellow man – but that doesn’t mean I can’t participate in this delightful game over on Jalopnik. Wicked car names for kids? I have lots of ideas! Magnum Hemi Deuce Wraith Elise Evora Exige Tesla Benz Corrado […]

June 22

The Slows

Having spent what feels like the vast majority of my adult life traveling the interstate, I have developed a list of cars I refer to as The Slows.  The Slows are particular car models that invariably drive slow in the fast lane (my biggest pet peeve of all time), oblivious to my Rules (which will […]

June 18

Duh Driving Tip of the Week

Dearest readers, Although no one has asked, I feel the need to occasionally impart words of wisdom regarding various aspects of driving.  I refer to these as Duh Driving Tips because, really, you should not need me to point these things out.  They should be intuitive.  However, it would appear that drivers in my neck […]

June 17

Co-Pilots

Everyone needs a co-pilot. Yours may be Jesus.  Or your significant other.  Or the wacky college friend who has been sleeping on your couch since graduation.  Five years ago. My co-pilots are furry. Meet Thing 1 (not her real name; she is wary of privacy violations), pictured at left with her beloved Cow.  Thing 1 […]